Screwing everything up simultaneously

Activities being multitasked: Mascara removal and eating.

In the left hand, we have a cotton ball soaked with mascara remover. In the right hand, we have a peanut butter and chocolate Zone bar.

We're very hungry, and pressed for time.

Eyes on Zone bar in right hand.

*Fat Bastard voice* "Get in my belly!"

Left hand shoves cotton ball in mouth.

*~*~*

This is why I leave the more complicated forms of multitasking, like 69, to the pros.

I could fall into a barrel of titties and come out sucking my thumb instead

Quaint, huh?  A nice southern expression meaning one has bad luck.

Over the last few weeks we have had flu, colds, coughs, and more.  I bragged at some point late last week that I never catch whatever my kids have.  

On Sunday, I woke up with a sore throat.  

It's been a hell of a week.  Not only did I teach all of my classes, I also subbed for someone else.  I woke up this morning feeling a *bit* better.  When I arrived downstairs, my husband asked how I was feeling.

Then, he stared lovingly into my eyes.      

awwwww

"You have pink eye."

DAMMIT!

...always at the right temperature, it comes in attractive containers, and the cat can't get it.

~Irena Chalmers

The first time I saw this Boost Mobile commercial, my eyebrows went up so far that I about sprained my forehead. Then I laughed like crazy. The image of a grown man in a ginormous Baby Bjorn was funny enough, but that last line...that was what got me. It leads to an obvious mental image, and I fully expected some kind of backlash. And yet, as far as I know, there has been none.




Mental image aside, why is it that many people are squeamish about the idea of an adult tasting breast milk? We can swallow *other* bodily fluids, but not milk?

*~*~*

We are having an issue with Bean, and are afraid of where this behavior may lead. We have known for a while now that, based on her personality, we are going to have our work cut out for us.

Bean has started to get sneaky, and is starting to lie, as well. This is new territory for us, because H is so honest.

Yesterday, she did two separate things that, in and of themselves, were not a problem at all. In fact, I'm baffled as to why she thought they would be. The issue is that she *thought* we would disapprove, so she did them in a covert manner.

In the morning, she casually mentioned that she gets hot and sweaty during PE. In the past, she had mentioned that one of her friends would strip down to an undershirt during PE. *That* behavior I find highly inappropriate, and I let her know so. I think the message she took away from that was that I had a problem with removing an outer layer, not that undressing to an undershirt - not exactly designed to provide full coverage - was the issue. When I called her up to do her hair, she arrived already wearing her winter coat, *and* it was zipped up. Bean never zips her coat. Not even when it's 0 degrees outside. I asked what was up with the coat, and she blew it off. I gave her two more opportunities to explain why she was wearing her winter coat in the house, and she grew increasingly uncomfortable and got snippy. I finally called her on it and asked if she put the coat because she was afraid that I would somehow know that she was wearing a t-shirt underneath her sweater. She nodded, and I explained that I had no problem with her layering her clothing, but I *did* have a problem with the fact that she thought I would and tried to slip it past me.

In the afternoon, my husband went upstairs and, when Bean saw him, she looked very uncomfortable. After some questioning, she admitted that she had found his bag of cough drops and had taken one. Again, who cares? But, she *thought* we would, so she was secretive about it. He repeated what I had said earlier, without even knowing about the morning incident.

We see this as a bad sign, and have no idea how to handle it. If she's doing these things at 8, what will she do at 14? We're planning to approach her at a time when everyone is relaxed, and lay out the rules in a conversational manner.

I'm so afraid of this turning into the same relationship I had with my parents when I was a teenager. I've tried to avoid it. Is it just inevitable?

It isn't what they say about you, it's what they whisper.

~Errol Flynn

I have no idea how y'all don't lose momentum a few times a year. Those of you who manage to post almost every single day of the year, for years on end, amaze me.

We've had the flu, and now colds/allergies floating around here. I wanted to curl up in a ball and cry yesterday, but I'm feeling more human today. I've made a mental note not to brag to friends that I never catch anything.

We're planning to go to Alabama for part of Spring Break. I realize most of you have had, or are having, yours already, but ours is the week before Easter. I haven't been home for two years. I feel AWFUL about that. I *have* seen my family since then, but my parents not since Thanksgiving of '07. I am a horrible daughter. My parents have not seen their grandchildren in all that time.

I'll also get to see several friends, as well. We'll only be there for four days, so we have to cram in as much fun as we can into those days.

Bless TMI for giving me something else to say.

1. Ever Googled a date, a potential date or an ex?
Yes. Not dates or potentials, because there was no such thing as Google back then, but I have googled an ex before. I'm nosey. I like to know what people have become, where they are, how they are.

If you google me...any form of my name, maiden or married, you get TONS of hits, and up until a year or so ago, none of them were me. Some of those hits are even speech pathologists, which is really freaky.

2. Do you gossip?
*Am* I a gossip, or *do* I gossip? I think they are two separate things. No to the first one, and yes to the second. I don't set out to intentionally talk about people, nor do I get some feeling of importance from knowing things about someone that other people don't know. I do talk to friends about things that are happening to people we know, but it's never malicious.

3. How many people do you completely trust?
Are we still in the gossip realm? Like, how many people do I trust to hold my secrets under lock and key? Other than my husband, I have a couple of close friends with whom I have that relationship. Everyone needs someone they can say things to without fear of judgment, and know that it will go no further.

4. Have you ever had sex in a car?
Yep. A car. My car. His car. Their car. They aren't the most comfortable, and definitely limit the possibilities, but they'll do in a pinch!

5. What is your best flirting technique: innuendo, telling a dirty joke, talking about sex life, or physical contact?
Innuendo. I'm a *toucher*, but the funny thing is, if I was actually flirting with intention, I wouldn't touch very much, because it would feel so obvious. Isn't that weird?

Bonus (as in optional): How many times is the most you have ever had sex in a 24 hour period?
Oh, this should be fun. I can't wait to read the answers. Me? Two. I think. Pretty sure that's right.

*~*~*

Someone please send Spring my way. Not just one day here or there that's nice. I want it to stick around. It's 29 degrees right now, and that's just not right for the end of March.

to wash away the rage

Dana's Sunday Secret, and follow-up to it today, touched me deeply, and even as I was typing out a comment that amounted to not much more than a discreet hand squeeze, I realized that I couldn't leave her dangling out there alone, subject to accusations of histrionics and attention-seeking behavior. Because cutting (agreed, not a fun word to type) or "self-injury" is typically associated with melodramatic, attention-seeking, impulsive teenage girls. Not grown women with homes, husbands, jobs, children, smiles plastered on their faces for the outside world to see, and happy voices on the telephone.

You see, everyone has a method for dealing with emotional pain that manifests itself as anxiety, anger, or self-loathing. I could list a hundred ways, including the one that strikes people as the most bizarre and incomprehensible way of "self-medicating." How can hurting yourself make you feel good?

Before I go on, I want to make it clear that I never actually cut myself, but my method did make me quite familiar with the release it brings. I also want to be clear that while my experience is tied to my mental illness (that one is also not much fun to type), I do not at all think that is the case with others. I'm not attempting to diagnose anyone. Just sharing my experience.

Rage. Turned inward. This was always the biggest symptom of my depressive episodes. On the little charts they give you to document your every twist, turn, climb, and drop on the Bipolar Roller Coaster, this would fall to the left of "baseline." Quite a ways left.

During my last, spectacular, Series Finale (I hope) of a severely depressive episode, the rage was always there. Sometimes, it just whispered below the surface and I could shush it away. But other times, the vicious venom-spewing loop of voices in my head that told me what a worthless waste of oxygen I was would get so loud that the rage would bubble over and I would try to drown out the voices with my own, screaming as loud as I possibly could. In my head. Because we mustn't let others know, nor scare our children. Go ahead and try it. You can, indeed, scream so loud inside your head that it feels like a release.

In a moment I will never forget, my brain stumbled upon the most miraculous method of shutting off the rage. It handed me a mental image of a cut on my arm that began to slowly bleed, and the euphoria that came with it instantly washed away the rage. From one second to the next, white hot rage became what felt like opiate-induced relief.

It became my go-to. My dirty little secret that, at that time, I would have been horrified and shamed beyond belief to have anyone know.

As with most methods of self-medication, it began to be less and less effective. It didn't last as long, and I didn't get quite all the way to euphoria. More more more.

Obvious solution. Total no-brainer.

Do it. You're going to have to actually do it.

Okay. Phew! Problem solved.

Then, in another moment I will never forget, I glanced into the rear-view mirror at my children in the back seat, and knew that I could not leave them with memories of a mother like that.

So I traded one drug for another. It also washed away my rage, but it neglected to give me my euphoria. Learning to live within the boundaries of "baseline" can be both extremely rewarding and extremely frustrating.

TMI

1. Are you pro-marriage? Why or why not?
I'm not really sure how a person can take a stance on marriage for society as a whole, but a whole lot of people do. My opinion is that it's a personal choice. Obviously, since I am married, I "believe" in marriage. I didn't do it because I felt pressured. I married because I wanted to. However, marriage isn't right for everyone.

2. Have you ever invented or thought you invented a sexual position?
No. Not only have I not created anything new, I haven't used all of the options created by others. I'm okay with that.

3. Do you like to be tied up? Always or sometimes?
I very much like to be tied up, but if it happened every time, it would become commonplace, the sex would become permanently one-sided, and where's the fun in that?

4. Do you consider online cybering adultery?
Geez... Can't you just ask me if those jeans make your butt look big?

No. I don't. But I understand that some people do.

5. Do you prefer masturbation over real sex?
No, I like both. They each serve a different purpose.

6. Do you want sex more times a day than your partner?
More times a day??? Are you serious? Did you mean to type "week?" Month? Are you married with two young children? Do you have a job? Shows on the DVR that need to be watched to make room for more?

7. Do you get offended when you partner openly flirts with others or are you okay with it?
It would depend on how overt it was, but generally speaking I am fine with it. I am a flirty person myself, so I see nothing wrong with it.

8. Do you think you're flirty by nature?
I *am* flirty by nature, and I come by it honestly. I flirt with both men and women, and I mean no harm. It's not an invitation, just affection for people and my (weird) way of being nice.

~*~*~

Today is my husband's birthday. Sunday was the family birthday party at his parents house, but Bean and I couldn't go because she was sick. Here are some things he came home with:


G'head, click it to big it. That is, indeed, wine in juice boxes. And a hen that walks and lays bubble gum eggs when you wind it up.


So, the boxes have those same holes in them that juice boxes have, but what are you supposed to do with them? Chug 'em, or stick a straw in 'em?

Forget filling our pockets with bottles of Mike's Hard Cranberry! Now we'll be going to the movies in style!

Mute Monday: March

~*~*~

I bragged last Sunday about the fact that my family has had a healthy year. BIG mistake. We have had sick kids since the middle of the night Tuesday. First H, who recovered very quickly, then Bean came home in the middle of the school day on Friday, and is still sick (or was as of Sunday afternoon, which is when I wrote this).

Saturday night, I did my first Beer Butt Chicken on the grill, and OH.MY.GOD! Total girly boner! It was kickass, if I do say so myself. I used curry, garlic, red onion, red pepper, sea salt, and probably some other stuff, but I can't remember. Flying...seat...pants.

I made the ultimate sacrifice and drank 1/3 of a Coors. *shudder* Can't remember the last time I drank beer from a can. Confession...I'm a beer snob. Actually, it wasn't *so* bad, but not what I'm used to. Could have just poured it out instead of drinking it, but I'm not one to let beer go to waste. That should be illegal, or something.

Have a wonderful Monday :-)

Manic Monday

Manic Monday #157:

If I was a car, I'd be:
This is a hard one because I've never had my ego wrapped up in the car I drive, nor have I ever given a rat's ass about what kind of a car a guy drove. Which means that I'm really not very aware of cars, other than the obvious divisions of "type."

So, let's see... I'm goofy, stubborn, good in a crisis, forgetful, love new experiences, flirty, often anxious, and determined to prove you wrong if you think I *can't*. What kind of car is that?

If I was a drink, I'd be:
Beer. Not because I drink a lot of it (but I do), but because it seems down-to-earth and not prone to pretending to be anything other than what it is. Simple.

If I was emotion, I'd be:
Emotional.

~*~*~

We got snow. I tried scowling at the sky yesterday to intimidate it, and my mom always said I was good at getting my scowl on, but it didn't work, and I'm not quite sure what went wrong...

Dana, of Amid Life's Crises, declared that on the first Thursday of each month, she will do a "retro" HNT of sorts, hearkening back to the days when HNT began, and the pictures were more subtle. I admit that I love the HNT's I typically do. I like being sexy. I love the challenge of creating an image that started in my head. I love successfully imitating things I have seen. I love pushing boundaries. But, I also love Dana's idea, and I'm going to join her.

I took a break from HNT for several reasons, and this will help me participate at least occasionally, and might even help ease me back in. Either way, I'll have fun doing it, and that really should always be the goal.