~George Bernard Shaw
My husband brought home a couple of magazines for me from...the gym?...I don't remember...but it took me a couple of days to get around to looking at them.
As I started flipping through one of them, something began nagging at me that I couldn't quite put my finger on...
The ads and the articles were...odd.
Revitalift Deep-Set Wrinkle Repair.
Aveda Enbrightenment skin care that promises 34% reduction in the appearance of "dark" spots. (We all know what they *really* mean. AGE spots!)
Aveeno Positively Ageless. Cover Girl SimplyAgeless. Garnier Ultra-Lift Pro Deep Wrinkle Cream (They really had to drive it home with the bolding.)
What magazine is this? MORE? MORE what?
And then I found it. "More...Celebrating Women 40+!"
Ohhhhh. *evil Grinch face* That dude is *so* getting a subscription to AARP.
*flipping through more pages*
Tim Gunn's Guide to Dressing Your Age.
An Astroglide ad emphasizing "relief for vaginal dryness" because, you know, after 40, the girly bits go into drought mode.
Another ad discussing "age-appropriate looks." We 40-something girls seem to be incredibly ignorant in this area.
Enablex for "overactive bladders." I feel like I should let this one slide because, while my bladder appears to be quite sedentary, after two big babies, coughing or running when I have to pee is *really* not a good idea. It causes one to stomp their foot and yell "dammit!"
Estroven for menopause relief.
Even the frickin' Eukanuba dog food ad is for OLD DOGS! I'm surprised the Quilted Northern Ultra Plush ad didn't offer to be kinder to my old fossil of an ass.
When I emerged from my perimenopausal hormone-induced psychotic rage, I realized that it was *possible* he had no idea what kind of magazine he was giving his age-sensitive wife.
I'm sure he'll confirm this when he comments. His life depends on it.
7 humored me by saying something:
Who said I brought them for you? I saw a banner on the front that said something about dangerous sex for married people - sounded cool! I figured it was about getting caught in public, (or, at the very worst, about having a heart attack from going at it too rough. Who doesn't want more of that?)
Well, at least now I know not to bother reading them. (Sounds like I shouldn't waste too much effort fantasizing about the dangerous sex, either...)
I think he danced around this quite well. Be nice to him now. Maybe bring out a whip or two if he's looking for danger!
You're the hottest, youngest looking 40 year old I virtually know. Hell, I'm pretty sure you're also the hottest, youngest looking 40 year old I really know! Get thee to flippin' the pages of Cosmo, yo!
In the meantime, my bladder...oh, my bladder probably leaks in sympathy with yours...
;)
Pffbbtt....I hardly think that magazine is very 'you'. Those articles sound NOTHING like you!
How dare they with the 'dress age appropriate' articles....once you reach 40 you don't know how to dress????
I'd let it slide. But be more annoyed at the magazine people. LOL
Maybe he wants to be punished :)
LOL - I think that bringing those magazine home could make sex with Biscuit VERY dangerous, SNB.
My MOTHER bought me a subscription to "More". I was tempted to purchase her a subscription to "Today's Senior" and "Arthritis Today," but decided to chalk it up to a senior moment instead ... grrrr ...
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