~Irena Chalmers
The first time I saw this Boost Mobile commercial, my eyebrows went up so far that I about sprained my forehead. Then I laughed like crazy. The image of a grown man in a ginormous Baby Bjorn was funny enough, but that last line...that was what got me. It leads to an obvious mental image, and I fully expected some kind of backlash. And yet, as far as I know, there has been none.
Mental image aside, why is it that many people are squeamish about the idea of an adult tasting breast milk? We can swallow *other* bodily fluids, but not milk?
*~*~*
We are having an issue with Bean, and are afraid of where this behavior may lead. We have known for a while now that, based on her personality, we are going to have our work cut out for us.
Bean has started to get sneaky, and is starting to lie, as well. This is new territory for us, because H is so honest.
Yesterday, she did two separate things that, in and of themselves, were not a problem at all. In fact, I'm baffled as to why she thought they would be. The issue is that she *thought* we would disapprove, so she did them in a covert manner.
In the morning, she casually mentioned that she gets hot and sweaty during PE. In the past, she had mentioned that one of her friends would strip down to an undershirt during PE. *That* behavior I find highly inappropriate, and I let her know so. I think the message she took away from that was that I had a problem with removing an outer layer, not that undressing to an undershirt - not exactly designed to provide full coverage - was the issue. When I called her up to do her hair, she arrived already wearing her winter coat, *and* it was zipped up. Bean never zips her coat. Not even when it's 0 degrees outside. I asked what was up with the coat, and she blew it off. I gave her two more opportunities to explain why she was wearing her winter coat in the house, and she grew increasingly uncomfortable and got snippy. I finally called her on it and asked if she put the coat because she was afraid that I would somehow know that she was wearing a t-shirt underneath her sweater. She nodded, and I explained that I had no problem with her layering her clothing, but I *did* have a problem with the fact that she thought I would and tried to slip it past me.
In the afternoon, my husband went upstairs and, when Bean saw him, she looked very uncomfortable. After some questioning, she admitted that she had found his bag of cough drops and had taken one. Again, who cares? But, she *thought* we would, so she was secretive about it. He repeated what I had said earlier, without even knowing about the morning incident.
We see this as a bad sign, and have no idea how to handle it. If she's doing these things at 8, what will she do at 14? We're planning to approach her at a time when everyone is relaxed, and lay out the rules in a conversational manner.
I'm so afraid of this turning into the same relationship I had with my parents when I was a teenager. I've tried to avoid it. Is it just inevitable?
17 humored me by saying something:
Can't help here, but it's times like this where I'm relieved I've never had to use any parenting skills...
My 11 year old son recently did the 'Tshirt under long sleeve shirt hidden by his zipped up winter coat' thing, too! OMG! I ran into him as he walked out of the bathroom from brushing his teeth. Wearing all that!! I said I found his ensemble interesting, considering I always have to remind him to (a) brush his teeth, and (b) put his coat on AFTERWARD.
He was trying to cover up the fact he intended to wear just his Tshirt at school after he got there, even though I told him it was too cold for such a thing.
I wish I had some insight on how to nip this behavior, because it's being done in the same vein as Bean is doing, I think. At that time, I shook my head and informed him my word was law until such time as he no longer passed me in the hallway on his way for food. I'm not so sure who that's going to hold up!
I feel your pain, Biscuit. In fact I am living with the same issue and a few other bonus challenges provided by one or more offspring.
My nieces and a nephew have done stuff like this. I think it's just kids trying to make up their own minds, testing boundaries of their own person perhaps? I don't know! I know it's annoying!
I don't have much for you here, to be honest.
My 13 yo son has taken to trying to hide his actions from us as well. I don't know if this is some kind of active attempt for more direct control over his actions, or if he's really just trying to push his limits.
However, my solution to his actions might not be best for your daughter. I personally became MORE strict with the rules, and when total compliance was followed for a set period of time, the tension was relaxed, and the reward of being able to do things again was quite the mental reward for my son.
Best of luck on finding a solution of your own!
Lighten up Francis. Just work with her and explain the view from both sides. My 9 yr old exaggerates stories. We have to work with him and he is seeing the importance of being accurate. Good luck with your adventures in parenting. DMP
Os- But look at all of the fun you're missing!
FADKOG- I was thinking it was just a girl thing. For some reason, I'm oddly relieved that boys do it, too.
We're Doomed- Oh, fun! Bonus challenges! Can't wait for those...
LauraJ- I think you could be right about the boundary testing. I suppose every child does it.
Jormengrund- We considered slamming her the next time it happens, but I want to make sure she understands where we're coming from. THEN if she continues, it will be obvious that it's more than boundary testing.
DMP- i know it might seem silly to worry about her now. I was an awful teenager, and I don't want my daughter to end up like me.
The I'net ate my previous comment - basically, I think she's a normal, healthy kid with a good team of parents.
And, Geez, I finally figured out the reference in your title!!!
You don't like cats, with their sweet, scratchy little tongues?
PS - Don found Blue Moon Belgian Ale at the Shoppette here! I know, I KNOW, right next to Belgium. Who knew?
Would it make you feel any better if I told you this was common - really common - and that it has more to do with a showing of independence than anything else? No? I didn't think so, but it really is "normal".
First. That commercial is disturbing. LOL My husband loves it as well. It's not that the breast milk thing gets me...but what does it have to do with cell phone plans?! LOL
The thing with Bean...*groan* We are going through the EXACT same thing. And I'm in the same boat as to struggling to figure out how exactly to handle it. Gah.
I think the others got ya covered. Just keep the lines of communication open and all will be well.
Biscuit,
I would agree that this is for the most part, an effort by Bean to have a little control over things. I have faced this sort of thing a few times and all I can really offer is that you be up front with her about the rules, the consequences for breaking them, and most importantly, why the rules exist. Break it down for her with regards to how small things lead to big things and how if she's hiding things from you, you can't help her solve them. I failed at this to some extent with my older kids and have paid for it. Without blurring the parent/kid boundary, you have to assure them that you ALWAYS have their back in a way that no other friend, buddy, teacher or anyone else other than their eventual spouse can or should. My 20 y/o finally understands this, and my 18 y/o I think is getting there. It seems as though all the others teenagers more or less get it. One other thing, consider yourself lucky that you discerned this issue with something relatively mild and that it happened early. My "awakening" came under harsher circumstances. All my pithy advice aside, it's clear to us here in blogland that Bean has 2 smart, caring parents who will raise a smart, lovely young lady.
Take care,
FMD
Same thing with my youngest. There are enough things to worry about at 8. Worry about the teenage years when they arrive.
I don't care much for breast milk, but mostly for the same reason I steer clear of apple juice that's been properly diluted for toddlers: too thin, not that flavorful, and *way* too sweet.
I'm not sure I get why wearing a t-shirt is a problem. I it a logo thing, or a dress-code thing, or just an "are you nuts it's freezing out there" thing? In our case it was the latter -- like most old schools with radiator heat our children's classrooms are always hottest on the coldest days of the year. And since they're only outside for a few minutes on the way to or from it was actually sort of rational to want to wear their #@#$% shorts and t-shirts to school in January. We didn't let them, but we did work things out.
But what really matters isn't *why* she thought she had to deceive you, it's *that* she did. And I can understand the concern about that. I'd suggest inquiring a little to see if there's not some kind of peer-pressure thing going on with, well, her peers at school where there might be enough (low-level) teasing that trying to sneak it past you feels like the least worst compromise. If that's it then you might be able to work something out with her where she can feel like you've still got her back.
Two other points? First, who besides you said you were a terrible teenager? Second (and more important) didn't your mom say she thinks you're a better mom than she was? I get the *very* strong impression she's right about you being a good mom, and an equally strong impression she's wrong about her not having been.
Take care,
figleaf
Been there with my 8 y.o. as well. Just talk to Bean. I reminded the Prince that it's not okay to hide things from me but rather be upfront and honest. Honesty goes a long way but it is common and all about sorting out where their boundaries/limits are at and seeing how far they can assert what little independence they have. Things will get better as they have with Prince - he's at least stopped his kleptomania! I promise, things will get better.
I don't understand. Why are her undershirts so revealing?
Sammie- It wouldn't have surprised me at all if one couldn't buy Blue Moon in Belgium! *LOL*
Dana- Actually, it does!
Vixen- I know! I hate it when a commercial leaves me scratching my head wondering what it was they were trying to sell me. I didn't even remember what that commercial was for until I looked it up.
TUG- Regarding your comment on my last post, thank you for being concerned. :)
FMD- I was hoping you'd chime in here. Thank you for sharing your experience. You hit the nail on the head as far as what my concern is for down the road. I can't help her with her problems if she's hiding them from me, and that hiding thing starts out so small and innocent. Or I overreact to things. It's one of those.
Professor Fate- You just aided and abetted a known procrastinator. :)
Fig- I'm not sure why she thought it would be an issue. Just one of those miscommunications, I guess. The girl is very stubborn though (dunno where she gets that from), so if *does* get a no, she's bound and determined to find a way around it. She's a negotiator.
HOney- Thank you. Isn't it funny that they never want to think for themselves when it comes to something like homework?
Anonymous- I didn't actually see the girl's undershirt, so I'm of no help there. I was simply judging it by the ones I've seen in Target. Perhaps the ones they sell there in Wisconsin provide more coverage, seeing as it's so cold?
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